Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. Psalm 62:5-8

These have been verses and promises I have clung to, devoured, and completely made mine in the past three years. But these verses were not my truth in the first few years of my son, Joshua’s life. I have a strong personality and I like to be self sufficient. When Joshua was very young, I tried to do everything I could to make his life better and to be the best homeschool mom to my other three children I could be. I admit, prayer was not a large part of my life. I rarely heard from God and found it difficult to make time for prayer.

I believe that in many ways, I was operating in a manner that is best described as living over God. In his book, With, Skye Jethani says, “Life over God effectively cuts out the middleman and gives us control over our lives.” I wanted to be in control. When we operate this way, “We may reduce the Bible from God’s revelation of himself to merely a revelation of divine principles for life,” writes Jethani. But when a crisis arises, our formulas and principles often don’t help us resolve the situation.

Joshua’s birth and subsequent 20 years of life required intensive 24/7 care, medical knowledge, and strength I couldn’t muster up from within myself no matter how hard I tried. Jethani continues his book to say, “life over God exchanges a relationship with him for application principles. It fails to alleviate our fears by stating that we are ultimately responsible for every outcome in our lives. And finally, even when things go as planned, it may leave us far outside the boundaries of what God intended.”

Thankfully, over time, God pursued me, and I began to see that being broken, fallible, human, and not having all the answers was exactly where God wanted me. Once I realized that, God himself could enter into my pain, into the process of finding the answers, and give me his strength and comfort in the midst of the crisis. I learned to pour out my heart to God, to trust him, and to depend on him. This week spend some time being with God, perhaps reading in the psalms and listening to what God says to you, or taking a walk and praying about your daily struggles. Take time to be with God instead of studying about him.

By Grace Hunter

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