We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. Preamble to the Declaration of Independence
My 26 year old son has a great life, but like so many, he’s experiencing loneliness. He lives in the beautiful college town of Fort Collins, has a good job, is healthy, attends church, and gets out regularly to pursue his passion – biking. He’s thankful for the ways God has been working in his life; he strives to live intentionally. However, like vast numbers of Americans of every age, marital status and income level, he’s missing a foundation of reliable social connections.
Is it ironic that, in the nation where the “pursuit of happiness” is enshrined as a right, that loneliness has been called an “epidemic”? Is this a feature or a bug of our society? Most importantly, how do we break cycles of loneliness?
Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 3:17-18
We each need to be the kind of people we want to find in community, romantic relationships and friendships.The transformation that takes place when we hear and obey God’s word is the foundation of a healthy community. I’m so proud of my son because he’s attending a good church and is putting what he’s learning into practice. He’s been asking himself: “Am I the kind of person I’d want to date?” Rather than focusing all his energy on analyzing the unreliability of his friend group (I went through the same experience when I was his age!), he’s working on his own behavior.
Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Romans 12:10
By definition, community is a team activity, and I’m so proud my son recognizes this. We need to be the kind of person we want to be around; at the same time, no relationship can be maintained by just one person. When I was his age, living in a world of unreliable relationships, I doubled down on being super reliable myself. I could meet all my own needs and others’ too! I was doing the best I could with the tools I had, but vulnerable to being taken advantage of. It has taken time to understand that covenant relationships must be reciprocal. We shouldn’t strive to carry all the weight of relationships ourselves; being human we need reciprocity to be healthy. We need to seek out others who want to engage in give and take. Doing all the work in a relationship is actually an obstructive shortcut, even if we’re the one who’s always giving. We can’t achieve God’s best for ourselves and others in our communities, friendships, and romantic relationships if love doesn’t go both ways.
“…. ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:30-31
Application: Meditate on this verse and ask God to transform how you relate to Him, yourself, and others:
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2
by Sherry Sommer
