It's tempting to leave reconciliation undone. Requiring effort and change, it's not our natural reflex, so we often limp along without working on it. However, reconciliation is central to the gospel message. Paul tells us in Corinthians that God reconciled us to himself through Christ and that we are now His ambassadors of this message of reconciliation. Believers are expected not just to talk about God's plan but to be willing to work toward it with others.
How do we start? While dramatic stories of reconciliation may captivate us, we need to realize making amends is an everyday part of loving God, our neighbors and ourselves. Reconciliation needs to be a regular practice and we need to start with the people closest to us:
Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift. Matthew 5:23-24
Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Deuteronomy 11:18-19
There aren't shortcuts for reconciliation. Humans are complicated, relationships are messy, and just keeping the wheels of our families, friendships, and communities turning can seem good enough. However, ignoring emotional signals in ourselves and others that indicate something's awry isn't a solution. When we let patchwork solutions suffice, issues get bigger, more complicated, and costlier. Smoldering resentments can burn relationships, homes, and communities to the ground.
I've been learning to practice reconciliation since finding a friend who has a gift for understanding where others' perspectives are coming from. Actually, she can seem too understanding of people who hurt others. When I shared my hurts, she used to say, "you've got to understand that people are doing the best they can" or "that person must be really hurting". I didn't feel she was taking time to listen. She was correct in believing "hurt people hurt people", but I felt like she was putting a bow on open wounds. Amazingly, when I shared my perspective, she started being a more empathetic listener and stopped trying to fix my situation. I love our friendship, because we can each suggest course corrections and know the other will take our feelings to heart.
While the reconciliation my friend and I practice would not be headline material, it's priceless to us. Reconciliation is the foundation of our deepening friendship. I'm also becoming more self aware and less likely to be either an offending party or a martyr. I'm becoming more flexible and likely to make course corrections. Reconciliation has become a blessing, not an eternal entry on my "to-do" list; and that is wonderful.
How good and pleasant it is
when God's people live together in unity!It is like precious oil poured on the head,
running down on the beard,
running down on Aaron's beard,
down on the collar of his robe.It is as if the dew of Hermon
were falling on Mount Zion.For there the Lord bestows his blessing,
even life forevermore. Psalm 133
by Sherry Sommer
