Train Up A Child: What it Means and What it Doesn’t | Proverbs 22:6

Transcript is automatically produced. Errors may be present.

Oh, man. I love some Brian Regan. If you’re on s- the staff know that I’m a big Brian Regan fan. I quote him all the time. I quote from some of his oldest material that no one knows what I’m talking about. But I’ve been wanting to put something of his into a sermon, so I’m happy today. I don’t know about you, but I’m happy.

There it is. It made its way in. Hey, if you’re new or new-ish around here, my name’s Aaron Bjar klund. I’m one of the pastors here. If that is you check out the new here space in the lobby. But also, you may not know that our wonderful lead pastor, Alex Walton’s, been on sabbatical for s- the last several months, and he’s coming back in a few short weeks.

We’ve missed his beautiful English accent and his lovely locks. But they will be back soon. You may be wondering why I started with that clip from Brian Regan. Today’s topic is titled, the se- sermon is titled Train Up a Child. We’re talking about parenting today. The topic is parenting. And so then you’re thinking, okay, so Aaron wants to- us to know that this parent in the Brian Regan joke, which is so insensitive to the kid, right?

The parent forgot the importance and the worldview of a child. This balloon is their world for that day. They have short-term memory. That balloon is as important to them as your wallet is, right? And it’s funny. Or maybe I wanted to point out the fact that parents are under a microscope all the time, aren’t they?

The whole premise of the joke is that Brian Regan oversees this interaction with this child, and then he puts it into a joke and then takes it on tour. And we make fun of this parent for their behavior. Parenting is a difficult topic to talk about. This text is a emotionally charged topic I like to think of myself as a pretty even-keel dad for the most part.

I have to go like this ’cause I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna see her reaction over there. I’m pretty even-keel most of the time, and steady, sorta steady as you go. Not super high highs or low lows most of the time. But the problem with that is that when I do lose it, I lose it big. And because I’m so even-keel much of the time, it catches them off-guard.

They’re expecting sorta steady dad, and suddenly they get this monster in front of them. And it’s funny, but it’s also not so funny because there’s been multiple times over the years when I will have a headache or I’ll have a busy day at work, or who knows what excuse I could fill in the blank for, and I’ve come home and I find the bathroom isn’t clean to the standards that I ask them to, or the kitchen’s left a mess or something.

And instead of just instructing them and moving forward and disciplining them with peace and calmness, I lose my mind and I shout. And if you can’t tell, I’m a rather loud guy, and when I get angry, I’m a large person as well, and I’m terrifying. And it’s not that cool when you see genuine fear on your beautiful daughters’ faces And they’re like, “I just need to exit this space because I was expecting this kind of dad the average everyday kind of dad, and suddenly you are genuinely scaring me.”

So in case you think that I’m up here as some expert on the topic of parenting let that dispel any notion of the sort

The text we’re looking at today as we continue this Proverbs series is found in the Book of Proverbs 22:6. It says this in the NIV, “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.” Or this is the translation that I was familiar with growing up, “Train up a child in the way they should go and even when they are old they will not depart from it.”

This topic is emotionally charged for most of us in the room. If you don’t believe me, let me unpack this. Few topics carry as much emotional charge as parenting does. And why is that? Because we love our kids. We care a lot about getting this right. There’s a couple other reasons that I thought about this week.

This topic’s emotionally charged because people judge parents by their kids’ behavior, right? We see it happen. It’s in the joke itself, right? Brian Regan’s judging this parent. But it’s also by their kids’ behavior. If you see a kid melting down you might have empathy, but you also think, “Maybe that parent’s doing something wrong.”

And we know that because we’ve done it to someone, even when we tried not to do it to someone. And so then when our kids misbehave, we think, “Definitely someone is judging me right now,” right? Okay, just me. All right. And we judge ourselves even harder. These kids came from us. They live their lives under our roofs, and then they’re behaving this way, and we carry that r- around like a, a ton of bricks, and it’s part of our identity.

I put so much energy and love and care into this parenting task, or at least hopefully most parents do, and then it’s k- it’s really hard not to. And maybe it’s actually okay that it’s part of our identity, but it’s emotionally charged because it’s our identity that’s being threatened when our kids behave a certain way, correct?

The stakes feel ultimate, don’t they? We care a lot. We want our kids to succeed. We want them to perform well. We want them to have a, a life that is not filled with suffering. And as a Christian, maybe there’s even another layer of tension because you want them to love Jesus. You think there’s ultimate stakes, right?

No pressure. No, no pressure. There’s so many opinions about how to do it. When we first, when Allison and I had our first daughter, Reese, we had no idea that we were about to enter the underworld of parenting opinions. If you haven’t had kids yet, just know it’s an underworld. Like you, okay, we were supposed to schedule their feedings.

No, you’re supposed to not schedule their feedings. No, you’re supposed to it’s only nursing. No, it’s definitely formula. It’s like the rules are changing, and everyone is highly opinionated, and you’re harming your children if you don’t do it the way that I researched Which one? And you care a lot and you wanna succeed, and so it’s just intense.

It’s an underworld, and this parent will mock that parent for doing it their way, and on it goes. And just in case you’re here and you’re not a parent this sermon’s for you as well. You may not be a parent, but you probably came from one And sometimes that makes you even more afraid of doing what was done to you Does that resonate for anyone?

Maybe there’s parts of your parents, the way they interacted with you when you were a kid, that you’re like, “I really wanna make sure I do that myself.” And then there’s other parts that, like, when you find out you’re about to have a kid, you’re like, “I will never do this,” whatever it is, “to my kids because it harmed me I might be still seeing a counselor because of that, and I don’t want that for my kids.

This topic’s for you as as a non-parent as well because because it’s emotionally charged. Our journeys, our childhood journeys and the more we learn about psychology and counseling and all these sorts of things, we find out that so much trauma is, can be traced down to childhood trauma and stories from our childhood.

And so it carries a lot of weight. We s- we can sense that this is really important and we don’t wanna get it wrong, and it’s just so emotionally charged, isn’t it? And if I’m allowed to say this as a pastor, which I’m not sure I’m allowed to, but the Bible sometimes feels like it makes things worse.

Am I allowed to say that as a pastor? Yeah. Let me give you a couple examples, just to add some tension to the room if there isn’t enough already. “Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.” But culture says this isn’t okay, so what do I do with that?

“Do not withhold discipline from a child. Punish them with the rod and save them from death.” Does this even sound like the way Jesus parents me? Some theological tension there, right? And, “A rod of reprimand im- imparts wisdom, but a child left undisciplined disgraces his mother.” What about the father?

“Discipline your children, and they will give you peace; they will bring you the delights you desire.” Yeah, I know a few stories when this didn’t happen “A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish son brings grief to his mother.” Parenting isn’t always easy and joyful. Does that mean I’m doing something wrong?

You can see how this topic can be emotionally charged. All right, so why is that maybe a problem for us today? Why does this emotional charge make this conversation risky? Here’s why. Studies have been shown in brain science and psychology that when there’s a topic or an issue becomes highly emotionally charged, anxiety-inducing, fear-inducing, parts of your brain that processes language, processes so the, the working memory part of your brain that you need to bring to bear to deal with that issue go offline.

So when things are really important to us, we become a little bit less capable of dealing with those things. So the emotional charge, the subjects that matter enough to frighten or shame us rarely get our clearest thinking

So we don’t wanna screw this up, and all that anxiety and all that intensity makes us less capable of doing it correctly. That’s a problem, isn’t it? So before I continue, I just wanna acknowledge a couple things. I don’t have time to get into the weeds, because this sermon would be four or five hours long if I h- got into the weeds on spanking, not spanking, and if so, what kind of spanking, and what method and then how do I do this and how do I do that parenting, all the details the scriptures might even allude to around parenting.

And so if you have questions that you wanna ask about those si- sorts of things, we have a podcast on Thursdays that you can send your questions in. Write that down, redcouchtheology.com. You can submit a question right there, and we’ll address that question. I’m not promising to answer any of those questions.

They are complicated issues. But I can at least engage your questions, because there’s no way I could cover the full scope of what it means to be a parent in a sermon. Put your questions there. So I’m gonna do something I don’t typically like to do at the beginning of a sermon, ’cause I kinda a message to unfold and we discover together the truth of God’s Word, but I’m just gonna tell you right up front my agenda for this morning.

Does that sound okay? Yes. Here’s my agenda. I would like to lower the emotional temperature around parenting. Why? Because I really want us to bring our best selves to this topic. I want us to have our minds and our intellects and our rationality fully intact, and you need that if you’re gonna parent well.

So I wanna reduce the emotional charge around the topic of parenting, because I think we’ll be better at it if we aren’t as anxious about it. Fair enough? Then the second thing I wanna do is I wanna highlight a few things scripture teaches us to focus on as parents. Sound good? All right. I know I need to pray one more time before we dive in.

Let’s pray. Father, it’s so good to call You Father. Good Father Kind Father, merciful Father You’re a father that is stern when you need to be, but without harming. You’re a father that is merciful when you need to be But without caving to our brokenness, you are a good, wise, kind, loving Father, and we come to you today and we say, “Lord, have mercy.

Christ, have mercy.” We need you, the only good and perfect Father, to teach us this morning. Amen. Amen. Amen. All right, let’s dive into this text. Start off on the way they should go, or start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old, they will not tur- turn from it. So the first lesson I want you to get, the first principle I want you to focus on, is actually something we’ve been teaching all throughout this series.

You may not have paid attention to that, but early on when this se- sermon series was kicking off, I sent an email to all the preachers in this series, and I asked them to include this phrase in their sermons. And i- I think it’s true because it’s a genre truth. The wisdom literature that Proverbs is, this is true of all of those texts.

But this passage is one of the main reasons why I really wanted this truth to stick all throughout the series, because I knew I had to preach this one, all right? So it’s this: Proverbs, the book that we’re in, the genre that we’re in, are short, pithy sayings about how the world generally works. They are principles, they are not promises

That’s true of this text. If your an adul- if your adult child is struggling or far from God, you must remember that your parenting is part of their story, but it is not the whole of it

Some of you need to hear that Your parenting is part of your kids’ story, but it is not the whole of it A parent can do everything right and still have their child turn away A parent can do everything wrong and their kids discover a God who redeems that story into something beautiful

These are principles that are not promises. And you know that’s true because you’ve heard a story of someone who had multiple kids, and one went this way, and one went that way, and they’re in the same home. And you’re thinking, ah, what about this proverb? Train them up in the way they- they’re always gonna stay there, right?

It’s a principle. It’s not a promise. Take a breath. Sit in that gift from God That it’s part of their story, it’s not all of their s- story. All right, so what does this text actually teach? This first phrase, start children off or train up a child, that phrase is actually this word, Hanukkah. Yeah, like the holiday.

It means to dedicate or commission for its purpose, and that’s actually where the holiday came from. It’s the people of Israel were rededicating their lives to following after God. And so when we say train up a child or start off a child in the way they should go, it’s like I dedicate them, I commission my kids to a, a specific task, which is to be in relationship with God.

So that’s what that t- that phrase is hinting at. And I think this is one of the first tips I see that’s embedded, nuanced in this text. You don’t control your kids, you commission them. Did you know you can’t control your kids? It can’t be done. Some of you are like, “Yeah, I know that.” That’s the biggest duh statement anyone could ever say.

Some of you don’t have kids, you’re like, “Yeah I’m gonna.” But this is actually true for all human relationships. You can’t control any creature who’s made in the image of God. You don’t have access to that domain. Wait. You’re thinking, “Wait, I c- I’ve made my kids do things.” You’ve made them do things, but not from the inner recesses of their soul.

They did it out of fear, they did it to appease you, they did it to whatever, fill in the blank. But you don’t have access as a parent to that space. That is God’s domain. The soul, where they come from there. You can influence it, but you don’t have control of your kids. Instead, you commission them. You commission them to God and to the place where He has control.

That’s His domain Go on. Start off o- on the way they should go according to the mouth of His way, is actually the literal Hebrew there. Off on the way they should go, it actually says according to the mouth of His way, which is a Hebrew sort of idiom. It’s very specific to that one. If you’re a parent, one of the…

this is maybe just me. I’ll just confess in front of you. One of the hardest part about parenting, one of the most maddening parts about parenting is they’re this age you have your first kid, they’re at this age, and you’re like, “Oh, I finally figured out they react to this, and then this goes better this way.”

And then they go to a new phase in their development, and all those rules go out the window. And then you’re like, “Okay, figure it out. Figure it out.” And then you figure out, okay, this combination of instruction and language and discipline that works, and now new phase, new rules. And then you’re like, “Okay, I made it through the first kid, and we have our second kid, and I, now I know the formula.

Phase one, phase two, phase three.” And they’re different kids. Anyone? It’s maddening. All the rules change all the time. But that’s part of what’s going on in this text, right? Part of what’s going on in this text is you’re starting off a chi- a child in the way they should go. The emphasis in this phrase is about according to the mouth of His.

It’s… That’s the emphasis there. It’s a unique expression every time, which is one of the reasons why parenting is so insanely difficult, because the rules are changing all the time, because you’re having to pay attention to that child’s unique expression and unique gifting and unique wiring and their experiences, and all that is all at play all the time.

No pressure. It’s complicated stuff. But you could maybe translate this in a very loose translation, dedicate your child to God in a way that fits how God wired them There’s a surrender flavor in this proverb, a handing them over to God flavor. This is what it means to train up your child. It’s to dedicate them, to commission them to Him.

Because remember, He’s the one that has access to the domain of the soul. You can influence it, you can model things, you can do all sorts of things around it, and God can use all those things, but ultimately, He’s the one that has access to that domain. Throughout this sermon, I’m gonna bounce out to several different passages, because this text in and of itself doesn’t teach us how to do some of this stuff.

So I’m gonna reference several other texts. If you wanna follow along, great. They’ll be on the screens. There might be one typo that I actually asked for. I don’t know if your notes say Mark 15 on, as one of the texts. It’s actually Luke 15. That’s on me, just like the announcement slides last service was on me.

Yeah. Anyway, so we’re gonna bounce around a little bit, but I’ll put all the texts on the screen. This first one is Psalm 127. It says this: “Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain.” And you’re thinking, “Okay, this is a sermon about parenting, not about building or cities or houses or whatever.”

But actually, in the Hebrew mind, this building of a house was referencing to the building of a home, of a family system. That’s what he’s actually referencing here. Unless the Lord builds a family system, the builders, in other words, the parents, labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain.

And part of the hint at w- why I think this is related to parenting is ’cause just two verses later it says, “Children are an inheritance from the Lord.” In the Hebrew mind, we haven’t changed topic. This is about parenting. “Chi- children are an inheritance from the Lord, offspring a reward from Him. Like arrows in the hands of a of a warrior, a children’s born are children born in one’s youth.”

So if God doesn’t do this, it doesn’t get done, right? This is His work. So the first thing I want you to write down, if you have notes or if you wanna just remember this, the first principle from this proverb, and from the scriptures in general, is this: Hold your kids with open hands, because they are ultimately God’s responsibility.

Can you take a d- deep breath? They’re his

They’re not yours. They’re His. And guess what? He loves them more than you do. He cares more than you do And this is weighty stuff. Parenting is so important. God consistently uses parents in the life of their kids, but ultimately they are His That’s the flavor that we have in this text. Start your children off.

Dedicate them in the way they should go So what do the scriptures teach about how to go about doing this? How do we influence? If we can’t control, how do we influence towards this ends? That’s a great question. What do we… the scriptures teach us about how to do this practically speaking? To get to that, I wanna look over at Deuteronomy, the Book of Deuteronomy chapter 6 to get some of that insight.

Deuteronomy chapter 6, this is one of the most important texts to the people of Israel. It’s the Shema and so they would recite this all the time. They meditated on this all the time. It’s a really important text. “Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.

These commandments that I give you today are to be in your hearts.” All right, fast-forward to the New Testament. This is written by the Apostle Paul to one of his students, one of his young pastoral proteges, and he writes this: “I remember of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother and in your mother, Eunice, and I am persuaded now lives also in you.”

So here’s the next principle that I really want you to focus on, and it’s this: The best thing you have to offer your kids is yourself on the journey with your Father

Hard stop. If you wanna know the best gift you can give to your kids, it’s you on a deep, abiding journey with your Father. I was trying to figure out how to illustrate this for you, and I was reminded about a journey that I took this summer, or actually th- this last fall and into the spring. I was seeing a counselor because I’ve heard that a lot of childhood stuff, unlocks…

If you figure that childhood stuff out, it unlocks why you’re behaving the way you behave, and so I was like, “I wanna do some of that work.” So I was seeing a counselor, and I blocked out a lot of my childhood. I grew up in a war-torn country, and so I went to this counselor. I’m like, “Hey, if you could figure out what’s going on back there, I can’t remember almost any of it.”

And so we were talking about this. And then I had this one meeting where I w- I remembered this very vague memory of my mom. I’m at the table, and I’m doing homework, and she’s yelling at me because I just, I couldn’t write my own name or something and I was in fifth grade, and it was trauma related to the war that we had just been evacuated from.

And she’s just yelling at me like, “You used to be able to do this,” or something along those lines. And I don’t have any negative feelings about that interaction with my mom. I just had this vague memory. And then I had this thought that popped in my head, “You know what? My mom really wants to grow in our relationship now.”

She told me recently “I wish we were even closer.” And so I said, “You know what I think I might do? My mom’s coming out for Christmas, and I’m gonna ta- I’m gonna ask her about that day, and then I’m gonna invite her in, ’cause she knows m- better than anyone in my life my childhood. Maybe she can unlock my childhood for me.”

And then my counselor said, “You know what, Aaron? How do you think she’s gonna take that conversation?” And without missing a beat, I said, “You know what? This may sound strange, but I intrinsically trust my mom’s relationship with Jesus. She walks with Him daily and faithfully, and it might be hard for her, but I have no doubt in my mind that she’s gonna handle that conversation with grace and with poise, and sh- it might hurt, but she’s gonna go to her Father, figure out how to process that with Him, and she’ll engage this.

I know it.” And the counselor said, “You know what, Aaron? That’s not true of a lot of the people I counsel and their parents. A lot of the people I counsel if you- they were to bring this up to their adult parent, they would be shut down. The parent would become defensive, and maybe it would break the relationship altogether.”

And I just thought, “What a gift my mom has given me.” What a gift! More than anything she did. Yeah, she made a mistake or whatever, or mul- multiple, but she’s given me, as her son, the gift of her relationship with the Father that is a safety net over every conversation I could have with her

So the best thing you could offer your kids is yourself on a journey with your Father. So how do we offer our own journey to our kids? How do we do that? Deuteronomy 6 continues. It says later on in verse 7 in that same chapter, “Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”

The topic of your relationship with your Father is just on the forefront of your mind. You’re ta- you’re thinking about your Father and your relationship. You’re trying to figure out, “Why am I behaving this way, God? Please help me with that, and forgive me for this.” And so it’s on the forefront of your mind, ’cause you’re on a journey with your Father, and then you bring it up.

Just bring it up. Tell the story of Jesus to your kids. Later on in that same chapter, he says, “In the future, when your sons ask you, ‘What is the meaning of the stipulations and the decrees, the laws the Lord our God has commanded you?’ tell him, ‘We were slaves in, in, of Pharaoh in Egypt.'” Tell him the story of God’s redemption, essentially.

Jumping down, verse 23, “He brought us out of that e- that season in Egypt.” And then jumping down again to verse 24, “The Lord commanded us,” you and me, like we’re on some sort of almost level playing field. This is the invitation from our Father, our shared Father, kid. “The Lord commanded us to obey all these decrees and to fear the Lord our God, so that we might always prosper and be kept.”

And us, it’s we our we, our Tell them a story about God’s redemptive work in your world. This isn’t an abstract theological statement about the gospel. This is a statement about who God is to you

But tell them a story about Him. Most importantly, because the scriptures teach, and I can’t make a case for this theologically for you this morning, but I’ll tell you, the scriptures overall, the most clear expression of what God is like and what that father is like is the person of Jesus. So tell them about Jesus, and who, what He is to you, and what He means to you.

Just bring them in on some of your own journey. Maybe this story would be super helpful. This is the story of the prodigal son. This just reflects what God is like. It’s a story about a son who takes his inheritance early, shuns his father, goes off and squanders the money, becomes destitute, and then this is where it picks up.

When he came to his senses, he said, “How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death? I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I’ve sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.”

So he got up and went to his father. But, and tell them about the character of a God that functions like this father does. But when he was still a long way off, this father, his father a representation of our Father in Heaven, saw him and was filled with compassion for him. And he ran to his son and threw his arms around him and kissed him.

And when he tried to get to his confession to his father, the father like yeah, shut up. You’re back and I love you.” This is the character of our Father. Tell your kids that story. Not the, not just the “Do this, don’t do that, do this, don’t do that.” Tell them about a God who redeems people that don’t do that, and screw up, and accept them back, and then guide them into better ways, and so on and so forth.

Tell your kids the story of the gospel and its work in you, not just its general theological existence. So in other words, maybe you could write this down, introduce your kids to the real Jesus because He is the parent they really need They don’t need you to be perfect be- that’s a lost cause anyway.

They need Jesus They’ve already got a perfect father. They’ve got a father that never screws up, that knows when to be firm without damage, that knows when to be merciful, yet without being overly lenient to our brokenness. Their heavenly Father gets it right every time. Tell them. Tell them about Him

All right, what else can this text teach us? Or at least the scriptures teach us? I’m gonna jump over to the Book of Colossians and give us at least another thing here. “Fathers, do not embitter your children or they will become discouraged.” There’s another text that sort of hints at, “Don’t exasperate them or be- or work them up into anger.”

And I’ve done that a lot. But here’s the actual advice that I think the scriptures go on to give us, and hang with me for just a moment. James chapter 5 says this, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayers of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”

You might be thinking that James text is something I’ve heard cited related to adult relationships Maybe your kids need to hear you confess. And the reason I- I’m gonna give you a theological case, very brief. I wish I… I love this topic about the image of God, and I wanna give you a fuller case for this because I’m a nerd about this, but maybe that’s for the podcast.

But hang with me. Your kids bear the same image, the imago Dei, you do. God has no junior image-bearers. That means the same innate dignity that you have because you are a human creat- creature created in God’s image is the exact same image and dignity that your kids have. There’s no junior partner, higher level leader, whatever.

You have the same dignity, which means when we confess our sins, we’re broken creatures, but yes, created with dignity and honor because of our potential to reflect Christ to the cosmos And so here’s the tip embedded in this. I wish I could go into deeper weeds with that, but here’s what I think the scriptures would nudge us towards.

Repent to your kids, because the way home from failure is a path walked in front of them and with them. Repent to your kids. Confess your sins one to another, because they’re creatures made in His image, and if there’s anything they need to learn in this world as a human creature, it’s how to navigate rupture, damage of relationship, and repair.

It’s the thing that they’re gonna need to be in relationship with any other human being. It’s also the m- one of the most important lessons they need to learn to be in relationship with God. Because God’s not gonna run away from them, but if they are filled with shame, they may run from God because they’ve not learned that He’s a safe place to repair the brokenness from them.

So repent to your kids, because the way home from failure is a path you have to walk. You have to walk it in front of them, you have to model it i- in your relationship with them, where you make a mistake, and you yell at them. And I don’t know how many times all throughout the years that I’ve found myself at night, late at night, in one of my daughter’s rooms saying, “You know what?

Yes, you did the thing, you disobeyed,” whatever. “But the way Daddy showed up and disciplined you today or spoke to you w- today is completely unacceptable, because you’re a creature made in His image. I’m sorry.” Rupture, repair. Rupture and repair. And if you can model that for them, they will learn how to do that with their other human relationships.

If you can model that for them, they’ll learn a path forward in how to return to their Father, their heavenly Father. Model rupture and repair. Now modern studies have been done on this topic and there’s this great Doc- Dr. Becky Kennedy, she’s written a book about that sort of process with parents and she says this: “I often think that healthy relationships,” not just parent-child, but all relationships, “are defined not by a lack of rupture,” praise the Lord, because we make mistakes, right?

“Not by a lack of rupture, but by how well we repair.”

So confess, repent to your kids. Because the way home from failure is a path walked in front of them and with them. They’re gonna need to learn how to do it. You need to learn how to do it, and it’s gonna serve them going forward. This is actually… I don- I probably don’t have time for this. I’ll just mention in passing.

This is one of the reasons why the AI revolution and stuff is a little bit s- concerning in some ways because there’s kids you may or may not know this out there, or not even just kids, adults that have relationships with an AI. And that’s… It’s it’s designed, it’s tailored it’s r- the…

it’s modeled to just appease you always. You’re always right, you’re always awesome. And the most risky thing about that is actually that it doesn’t help them learn this. And some of these kids fig- start to think that all humans are the worst because they don’t just appease and agree with everything and say that I’m awesome all the time.

Other human beings, real human beings, flesh and blood human beings, have differences of opinion. There’s rupture involved. And this AI relationship thing never teach you how to repair. This is really important stuff. And if they see you do it as a parent, make a mistake, and go and apologize to them.

Anyway I’m… Yeah. All right. I g- I gotta keep going

This is the bottom line, church. God did not give you a formula for parenting. He gave you a father, a really good one. This is ultimately what the scriptures teach about parenting. God did not give you a formula for parenting. Every- if you’re a parent and you’ve tried to apply a formula, you know that it doesn’t always work.

But what he does give you is he gives you a good father to walk along that journey. I’m gonna invite Megan up as I go move towards a close. The year is AD 387 in a port city of S- Ostia

A young man is standing looking out a window over a, a garden, and he’s waiting for a ship to come and pick him up and take him off to Africa to do some work of pastoral work and missions. And he’s standing next to his mom. His mom, who prayed for him when he moved in with a woman that wasn’t his wife and blew up that relationship.

His mom, who prayed for him when he had damaged a bunch of other women in his life. A woman who prayed for him when he went this way, when he joined a cult A woman who prayed for him through all of that, a woman who prayed for him and watched him return to the heart of Jesus, and now she was with him waiting to send him off to do some kingdom beautiful God kind of work.

And they’re just talking about Jesus together. They’re talking about their shared Father And he describes this interaction and they’re talking about this cosmic king that they love, that they both love, and they’re just enjoying each other’s company in relationship with their shared father. Two weeks later, Monica’s mom became sick and she died Far from home, there waiting for the ship.

10 years later, A- Augustine wrote this is who we’re talking about, Augustine wrote one of the most famous theological works in history, The Confessions, and his mom’s name shows up all throughout that, The Confessions. But let me tell you, this is the most important part. This was not a book to her. It was not a book about her.

The whole book of Confessions, of his, of Augustine’s Confessions, is a prayer that he wrote to his father

His mom was gone. He couldn’t confide in her anymore. He didn’t have her prayers anymore, and he lamented that But he had a good father, and he writes the Confessions and it, as a dialogue with his good father that remains through all of eternity, and you have access to the same father. God doesn’t give you a formula.

He gives you a father that stays with you as you parent, a father that knows how to do it well, a father that can make the needed adjustments all along the way that you need to make to customize your parenting to each kid and each season and each situation. He gave you himself. Now give yourself to your kids as you stand in relationship with your father.

Would you stand as we’re gonna close our time with this amazing song?