One of my favorite childhood movie scenes was the revenge sequence in The Parent Trap. I imagined, for years, how I would exact my revenge on my own bullies and the cruel crushes of immature classmates. The most I managed was a middle finger exchange in traffic that led to an embarrassing “I don’t see you game”, as the car I flipped off ended up in the merging freeway entrance lane next to me for an excruciating three minutes. In college, my late night, loud dance music playing, obnoxious neighbor in the dorm room next to mine was the recipient of my own revenge prank. At 4 am – I applied clear packaging tape to the entire door frame.
I remember skipping class to listen to her struggling exit. It was so satisfying, and I felt completely justified by the world’s standards. But I missed something important as a follower of Jesus; I missed the gift of reconciliation. I missed a different future where my neighbor made different choices because she knew my frustrations. I missed showing kindness and compassion to a young woman as I knew nothing of her or her life other than my assumptions. Additionally, I often tell that revenge story because people love it, laugh, and revel in their similar stories and we all high-five (figuratively – I’m a 45-year-old soccer mom, not a frat boy).
Romans 12:2 encourages us to “not conform to the pattern of this world” but rather to “be transformed by the renewing of our minds.” Renewal is initially less satisfying than revenge and takes a lot more time. Working through anger and forgiveness is a part of the process, and we need to take those important steps, for our reconciliation with others to be sincere. It’s a change in our perspective as to what we actually “deserve” and how “culpable” we might really be in our situation. We have been called into a ministry of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:18-21) and therefore our kingdom perspective shifts our human desires away from our tendency of unforgiveness or retaliation. The Apostle Paul tells the church in Colossae that we are to live as if we have actually been “made alive in Christ.” Echoing his appeal to the church in Rome, he tells them to set their hearts and minds on “things above.”
[try reading this scripture aloud]
Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.
Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. Here there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
Oof. Are we really meant to “bear with each other” in addition to forgive? Is this why Jesus starts his message against murder with an appeal to keep our anger in check (Matt. 5:21-26)? Perhaps He knows how fast and messy things can get as we stir our anger, plan our malice and one-up one another. Renewing our hearts and minds takes work. Changing our perspective and growing in empathy takes humility.
As you continue through your day and week, be encouraged that reconciliation is not done in our own strength, but God’s. Lean on Him as you work through anger and forgiveness and the possibility of reconciliation.
by Kris Thulson
