House of Cards
I was going to be famous. Beloved. That was my plan. Bullies beware – Kris (Duncan) was going to “be somebody.” I packed my bags and moved to Los Angeles to begin my career in anything noteworthy in the Hills of Hollywood, but I was broke and watching my life go unnoticed.
I was going to be funny. I joined every improv team, comedy class and bar open stage I could find in Chicago. I would make it to SNL and beyond and become the most memorable person anyone ever met. Until I didn’t.
I was going to be influential. I would finish seminary and expand my reach beyond my two children under 3 years old. I might publish, preach or dare even make a new name – Kris Thulson – for the “Kingdom.”
And yet. The “kingdom” part gets fuzzy. It overlaps so frequently with MY kingdom that the lines are blurred, the motives are embarrassing at best and destructive at worst. I know that my insecurities have often fueled my ambitions and even the good stuff I’ve created has a shadow side. I know I’m not alone, because I’ve had too many conversations with others about this struggle. Do you find yourself in a similar place?
Let’s spend some time in Matthew 6, shall we…
The verses challenge how we put our spiritual practices on display (fasting, generosity, etc.) and they point out our worship of stuff and money.
And then He tells us about worry – provision mostly. I worry about all sorts of things, but what I think I fear most is being forgotten. I often worry that I’ll leave no legacy. I am currently watching my mom disappear through the cruel disease of dementia and I can’t help thinking that our 30-year age gap means my own time is running short to “be somebody.” How fast will my 30 more years run out?
The words of Jesus in Matthew 6:33-34 come flooding into my thoughts:
“But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
I want to be someone who is free from insecurity, free from borrowing tomorrow’s worries. I want to live each day with the joy of actually knowing there is a Kingdom greater than my own. Daniel 7:14 paints in incredibly secure picture:
“Then to Him was given dominion and glory and a kingdom,
That all peoples, nations, and languages should serve Him.
His dominion is an everlasting dominion,
Which shall not pass away,
And His kingdom the one
Which shall not be destroyed.”
A few years ago, we taught our kids (now 11 & 12) to memorize and recite The Lord’s Prayer (also in Matthew 6). I remember learning it myself around the same age. As a young adult I found myself in a worship service where I was speaking well past the final verse (13) “And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one…” and kept speaking what I then learned was an added doxology “for Thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever.” I love that hymnic ending and I find myself reciting just that line some mornings as I set out to discern whose kingdom I will focus on building.
As a practice this week, would you join me in reciting that doxology? Maybe even put yourself in the thick of God’s creation. Watch the sunset, the sunrise. Stand in a deluge of rain, a tunnel of wind, or listen for the birds amongst the sounds of relentless traffic. Speak those words as you treat your gifts and talents as an offering rather than proof of your worth.
Let’s be faithful.
In addition, take a listen to this song that was released during my senior year of college. I was a directionless film school graduate venturing into an unknown future and was anchored by the words of this song:
Legacy
Song by Nichole Nordeman ‧ 2002
Nichole Nordeman – Legacy (Acoustic)
Lyrics
I don’t mind if you’ve got something nice to say about me to
And I enjoy an accolade like the rest
And you could take my picture and hang it in a gallery
Of all the who’s-who’s and so-and-so’s
That used to be the best at such and such,
It wouldn’t matter much.
I won’t lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights,
We all need an ‘Atta boy’ or ‘Atta girl’
But in the end I’d like to hang my hat on more besides
The temporary trappings of this world.
I want to leave a legacy,
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?
Did I point to you enough?
To make a mark on things
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace
Who blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy.
I don’t have to look too far or too long awhile
To make a lengthy list of all that I enjoy
It’s an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile
Where moth and rust, thieves and such
Will soon enough destroy.
Not well-traveled, not well-read
Not well-to-do, or well-bred.
Just want to hear instead,
Well done, good and faithful one’;
I don’t mind if you’ve got something nice to say about me.
by Kris Thulson
