I’ve asked the question too. And can we be real for just a moment? It’s a dumb question.
“What does it look like to move on?” or “Do you feel like you are moving on?”
As if I’m just going to move on from the loss of the person that shaped my life more than any other person. How do you move on from that? You don’t; at least not in a healthy way.
Should moving on be our goal?
It might just be semantics; but I don’t think it is. Moving on feels like I’m just supposed to drop what happened, who my mom was/is, and move on from it. Like we are supposed to get over it or get past it or try our best to forget it and get on with life. Well, that’s not going to happen. That’s not my goal. I’m not trying to move on.
But, I am going to move forward.
I’m going to move forward with the memory of my mom. I’m going to move forward with the remembrance of how she loved and cared for those around her. How she made our house a home. How she truly enjoyed each day. And, how she fought for (and lived in) the joy that was hers in Jesus.
I’m not moving on from those things; I’m moving forward with those things!
That’s a big difference.
I think the reason we encourage people to move on is because it’s a coping mechanism in our culture. We (often times, I) lack the internal resources to cope with loss. I think some people are afraid of remembering, because implicit within remembering, is the reality that our loved ones are no longer here. Remembering brings with it some pain. It has the ability to reopen a deep and significant wound. So, I’m determining to have that wound reopened. I’m going to try my best to fight my personal tendency to grow cold. I’m determined to not be too scared to remember. In fact, I’m committing myself to remembering… therefore, I can’t move on.
But I can and will move forward.