Week 05

Sermon Conversations with Alex and Aaron

There’s only so much we can cover in a Sunday morning gathering!
Each week, you’re invited to tune into our podcast at 11 am on Thursdays – recorded (and sometimes prerecorded) for later, online viewing.

What can you expect? Pastors Alex, Aaron, and the occasional guest having a casual conversation, diving deeper into ideas related to last Sunday’s teaching.

Ask Questions about the Sermon Series, Between You and Me – “Aspiring to God’s Priorities?”
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The ideal marriage would be between a Christian husband and wife, both striving to serve and love God first and one another second. However, not everyone who is a believer in God now nor in the past has had this ideal situation in their marriage. In fact, most women in the Bible, and even many women in other parts of the world today, have very little choice in the matter of who they marry. Paul addresses the situation of a Christian married to a non-believer in I Corinthians 7:12-17, but he also gives strong advice to those who are currently single to choose wisely if they seek to marry. He uses strong language advising both men and women to marry a fellow believer. He gave some very good reasons for this advice.

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial [Hebrew word for Satan]? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: “I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.” II Corinthians 6:14-16 NIV

Here Paul used strong language to get his point across to the Corinthians that Christians and non-believers in Jesus have completely opposite world views. Their priorities will be completely different and as such will make marriage much more difficult than it will be if both the husband and wife have their relationship with God as their first priority. In Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians he stated,

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. I Corinthians 6:19-20 NIV.

God dwells in our bodies as Christians, so we in turn ought to value our bodies as a sacred place – a place where we worship God. Someone who does not believe in God doesn’t do this, and should not be yoked with one who does honor God. Instead, all that we say, do, and believe as Christians is influenced and shaped by our belief in God the Father and in Jesus the son who died for our sins – so that we can be in a right relationship with God. So, Paul gives this advice:

I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.
I Corinthians 7:35 NIV

A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. I Corinthians 7:39 NIV

Paul’s desire for the Corinthians is for them to have an undivided devotion to the Lord. If we desire a healthy marriage, this should be the priority for both the husband and the wife. Sometimes a spouse will need to choose to obey God and not heed and follow a spouse’s lead if that spouse is not advocating a wise or correct course.

For further study look at Abigail’s story in I Samuel 25:2-42, Esther’s story in Esther 4:1-5:4, and Job’s conversation with his wife in Job 2:9-10. Note the choices each spouse makes, the words spoken, and the implication of prayer and desiring to put God first. Listen to what God is saying to you about your situation through His word.

I really enjoy the child dedications that take place periodically during the Sunday morning worship service. Watching parents bring their infants and young children up on the stage to be dedicated to the Lord in front of the whole congregation is a joyful time for me. Especially as not only the parents and pastor are part of the dedication, so are we in the congregation as we are given the opportunity to commit to helping each family raise their children, ”…in the nurture and admonition of the Lord,” (Ephesians 6:4), as nursery workers, Sunday school teachers, youth leaders and friends.

It brings to mind the story in 1 Samuel 1:1-28 which took place about 1100 years before Jesus was born. It tells about a man called Elkanah, who had two wives: Hannah and Peninnah. Hannah had no children. Peninnah had several sons and daughters.

Every year this man went from his hometown up to Shiloh to worship and offer a sacrifice to God-of-the-Angel-Armies. Eli and his two sons, Hophni and Phinehas, served as the priests of God there. When Elkanah sacrificed, he passed helpings from the sacrificial meal around to his wife Peninnah and all her children, but he always gave an especially generous helping to Hannah because he loved her so much, and because God had not given her children. But her rival wife taunted her cruelly, rubbing it in and never letting her forget that God had not given her children. This went on year after year. Every time she went to the sanctuary of God she could expect to be taunted. Hannah was reduced to tears and had no appetite.

Her husband Elkanah said, “Oh, Hannah, why are you crying? Why aren’t you eating? And why are you so upset? Am I not of more worth to you than ten sons?” 1 Samuel 1:3-8 MSG

So Hannah ate. Then she pulled herself together, slipped away quietly, and entered the sanctuary. The priest Eli was on duty at the entrance to God’s Temple in the customary seat. Crushed in soul, Hannah prayed to God and cried and cried—inconsolably. Then she made a vow:

Oh, God-of-the-Angel-Armies,
If you’ll take a good, hard look at my pain,
If you’ll quit neglecting me and go into action for me
By giving me a son,
I’ll give him completely, unreservedly to you.
I’ll set him apart for a life of holy discipline. 1 Samuel 1:9-11

It so happened that as she continued in prayer before God, Eli was watching her closely. Hannah was praying in her heart, silently. Her lips moved, but no sound was heard. Eli jumped to the conclusion that she was drunk. He approached her and said, “You’re drunk! How long do you plan to keep this up? Sober up, woman!”

Hannah said, “Oh no, sir—please! I’m a woman brokenhearted. I haven’t been drinking. Not a drop of wine or beer. The only thing I’ve been pouring out is my heart, pouring it out to God. Don’t for a minute think I’m a bad woman. It’s because I’m so desperately unhappy and in such pain that I’ve stayed here so long.” Eli answered her, “Go in peace. And may the God of Israel give you what you have asked of him.”  1 Samuel 1:12-17

Up before dawn, they worshiped God and returned home to Ramah. Elkanah slept with Hannah, his wife, and God began making the necessary arrangements in response to what she had asked. Before the year was out, Hannah had conceived and given birth to a son. She named him Samuel, explaining, “I asked God for him.”  1 Samuel 1:19-20

When Elkanah next took his family on their annual trip to Shiloh to worship God, offering sacrifices and keeping his vow, Hannah didn’t go. She told her husband, “After the child is weaned, I’ll bring him myself and present him before God—and that’s where he’ll stay, for good.” Elkanah said to his wife, “Do what you think is best. Stay home until you have weaned him. Yes! Let God complete what he has begun!”

So she did. She stayed home and nursed her son until she had weaned him. Then she took him up to Shiloh, bringing also the makings of a generous sacrificial meal—a prize bull, flour, and wine. The child was so young to be sent off!

They first butchered the bull, then brought the child to Eli. Hannah said, “Excuse me, sir. Would you believe that I’m the very woman who was standing before you at this very spot, praying to God? I prayed for this child, and God gave me what I asked for. And now I have dedicated him to God. He’s dedicated to God for life.” Then and there, they worshiped.  1 Samuel 1:21-28

There is more to this story. Hannah never forgot Samuel. Before the next year’s trip to Shiloh, she worked on a new larger tunic that she could take to him. I can imagine her praying for him the whole time as she did it. See, 1 Samuel 2:18-21

Over the years I have been given the opportunity to pray for specific children in different families, bohth here and out of state. How about talking to the Sunday school and youth group leaders and offering to do that for families who would welcome prayer for their children?

Just recently I heard of two high school seniors who received long awaited news about applications to their desired institutions of higher learning. Although they had worked hard and met the many goals it took to qualify, the results were not the ones they or their parents hoped for. There was a time I might have sent this condolence:

“God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life.”

The above phrase was likely derived from the verse below. However, the word used in Romans 8 is “purpose” rather than “plan”. For me, that word choice makes a vast difference. God’s “purpose” does not limit him to a rigid set of worldly goals or “plans” to guide us where he wants us to go.

…we know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose… Romans 8:28 NET

As parents, it has sometimes been a challenge for my husband and I, not only to encourage our daughter to follow Jesus, but also for us to avoid taking the role of the Holy Spirit in determining her precise vocation. The following story in the lives of Abraham and Sarah reminds me that we are not alone in discerning where our responsibility lies.

If you want to fully understand the event highlighted below, the backstory is found in Genesis chapters 11-20. Like many of us, Abraham and Sarah fumbled some crucial faith decisions. The result was that Abraham ended up with a spare slave wife (Hagar) as well as a spare, surrogate, older son (Ishmael). By the time Abraham and Sarah had the son God promised (Isaac), Abraham had invested a preponderance of his fatherly affection, energy, and training on his surrogate son.

The child [Isaac] grew and was weaned. Abraham prepared a great feast on the day that Isaac was weaned. But Sarah noticed the son of Hagar the Egyptian—the son whom Hagar had borne to Abraham—mocking. So she said to Abraham, “Banish that slave woman and her son, for the son of that slave woman will not be an heir along with my son Isaac!”

Sarah’s demand displeased Abraham greatly because Ishmael was his son. But God said to Abraham, “Do not be upset about the boy or your slave wife. Do all that Sarah is telling you because through Isaac your descendants will be counted. But I will also make the son of the slave wife into a great nation, for he is your descendant too.” Genesis 21:8-13 NET

This part of their story reflects how the dreams of all human parents for their children can get out of focus. Just as Abraham had developed a strong, emotional attachment to Ishmael and envisioned his destiny, we too might hope God will meet our aspirations for a treasured child.

As Christian parents, we are both responsible and privileged to take the primary role in providing Godly guidance and care for our children in their formative years. But the Holy Spirit independently confirms his destiny for our adult children. Still, parents are called to pray for their children as well as provide influence toward God’s purpose for them. Ultimately parents must trust God for the outcome even if, at times, the path of an adult child appears dubious.

Do you have a treasured child, now an adult, in whom you have invested a significant amount of your emotional energy? Has that individual not yet met your estimate of their kingdom potential? That person may not be your biological child, but your affection may be strong. Focus on a photo of him or her as you pray for that person’s place in God’s kingdom. Ask God to give you his peace.

Navigating family life with grace and consistency was a never-ending challenge for me. I was a stay-at-home mom, and setting a family vision and its implementation fell on me. There were so many moving pieces — including, but not limited to: Metaphorical baggage, literal baggage, personalities, quirks, finances, extended family, pets, chores, learning styles, love languages, friends (or lack thereof), vacations, technology, and school. The one constant were the questions — “Will we or won’t we survive this endless summer and/or school year?” And “Did I feel totally rested two or three decades ago?”

It’s not that I wasn’t trying to learn how to do better as a parent and wife. Given the “Rube Goldberg machine under construction” nature of parenting in our home, advice I heard in church didn’t help. Put God first, your spouse next, then church!” Put on your oxygen mask!” “Plan regular date nights!” What I heard was “Do more!” What I needed was a total overhaul, not bumper sticker “worthy advice”.

Now that it’s established that I have lots of experience and no helpful advice, let’s consider some passages from Scripture. I do think I would have done a better job and been less stressed if I had understood and been able to implement spiritual direction.

“If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple. Luke 14:26 The Message

• Parents are not supposed to devote all of their energy and attention toward family members, either their spouse or children. Only Jesus deserves being the number one priority; our love for family members cannot usurp that place. I think that’s an amazingly liberating idea.

Jesus said, “The first [commandment] in importance is, ‘Listen, Israel: The Lord your God is one; so love the Lord God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence and energy.’ And here is the second: ‘Love others as well as you love yourself.’ There is no other commandment that ranks with these.” Mark 12:30-31 The Message

• This passage reiterates what was said in Luke, and adds a twist — “Love others as well as you love yourself.” I suppose each one of us may find half of that command difficult. I fall on the side of loving others more than myself, a great recipe for depletion. It’s not only pragmatic and smart to love oneself, it’s also commanded. Whether we find it easier to love others or to love ourselves, we need to be reminded by this passage that healthy life, marriage, and parenting require that the loop gets closed.

Children, do what your parents tell you. This is only right. “Honor your father and mother” is the first commandment that has a promise attached to it, namely, “so you will live well and have a long life.” Ephesians 6:1-3 The Message

• Loving our children well requires that we remember what our relationship with them is supposed to look like. The relationship between parents and between parents and their children is very different from what we normally see. The parent child role is supposed to be one of teaching and honor. Compare this to the relation between parents, which is defined according to mutual submission, love and respect. I see this as parents setting the tone and example in the family, together, for their children.

Application:

As you read these passages, which stand out to you? Rather than comparing how badly or well your family relations compare to these verses, just take time to ask God for wisdom and direction as you participate in family life. Ask the Holy Spirit for strength and understanding as you relate to your spouse and teach your children.